Saw II... what a buzz kill...
I remember my dad telling me once, when I was little, that everyone is replaceable. I had something to him to the effect of, "I don't know what I will ever do if you die." And I was probably crying because I was a very emotional kid and I cried a lot. I couldn't explain why though. I still can't explain why but nobody believes that, and I think that's when I started lying so fantastically.
"If I die, Lindsey, you will get over it. You'll be ok. Because life doesn't stop for me. Life doesn't stop for anyone. And it will hurt and it will be very hard, but ultimately, whatever sadness you feel will go away. Someone else will fill in the hole that I leave."
Replaceable. Everyone, he told me, is replaceable. I wonder. Sure, the truth is that people go in and out of your life, and ultimately, you can be happy without her- without him. He'll still crack jokes when you're not there to laugh. She'll still sing when you're not there to hear. They'll still drink, still smoke, still party on without you. Sure, they'll cry when you're gone, but they will cry without you there to comfort them.
Are you replaceable? Are you worth replacing?
I don't know. Of course it's horrible to think that the people who love you might be better off without you, and wonderful to think that every person you know is uniquely needed and here for a reason, and but as for the former you can never really know, and the empirical evidence above doesn't really support the latter. Does it?
So replaceable... maybe? But expendable, you certainly are NOT. And that, my friend, comes with responsibility. You should know that your existence is the only thing in the world that keeps me from filling all of the voids that you simultaneously created and filled the day that I decided that I love you. The more of my self I give to you- the more I love you- the bigger the you-shaped hole gets. When you stop giving back, I'm empty.
I'm filled with holes in the shapes of all of you- without you, all I can do is patch myself with whatever fragments of you that I have left. By the end of it we'll all be so riddled with holes and stitched with patches that we'll be completely new jeans. Not better or worse- but different, and with more character.
Anyway, I wasn't ready to patch the hole shaped like you yet. I've missed you so much.
As for YOU sir... Jack off. Maybe you're absolutely right- or maybe I'm just confused and hurting and trying to hold all of my pieces together without dropping any.
You know that the way you act towards me will hardly alter the way I act towards you (it never has). You know this, but still... be kind. Understand that I did not ask to feel this way, and I'll bear it without a sound if you'll just pretend like you don't know. Compassion- I'm begging you.
I remember my dad telling me once, when I was little, that everyone is replaceable. I had something to him to the effect of, "I don't know what I will ever do if you die." And I was probably crying because I was a very emotional kid and I cried a lot. I couldn't explain why though. I still can't explain why but nobody believes that, and I think that's when I started lying so fantastically.
"If I die, Lindsey, you will get over it. You'll be ok. Because life doesn't stop for me. Life doesn't stop for anyone. And it will hurt and it will be very hard, but ultimately, whatever sadness you feel will go away. Someone else will fill in the hole that I leave."
Replaceable. Everyone, he told me, is replaceable. I wonder. Sure, the truth is that people go in and out of your life, and ultimately, you can be happy without her- without him. He'll still crack jokes when you're not there to laugh. She'll still sing when you're not there to hear. They'll still drink, still smoke, still party on without you. Sure, they'll cry when you're gone, but they will cry without you there to comfort them.
Are you replaceable? Are you worth replacing?
I don't know. Of course it's horrible to think that the people who love you might be better off without you, and wonderful to think that every person you know is uniquely needed and here for a reason, and but as for the former you can never really know, and the empirical evidence above doesn't really support the latter. Does it?
So replaceable... maybe? But expendable, you certainly are NOT. And that, my friend, comes with responsibility. You should know that your existence is the only thing in the world that keeps me from filling all of the voids that you simultaneously created and filled the day that I decided that I love you. The more of my self I give to you- the more I love you- the bigger the you-shaped hole gets. When you stop giving back, I'm empty.
I'm filled with holes in the shapes of all of you- without you, all I can do is patch myself with whatever fragments of you that I have left. By the end of it we'll all be so riddled with holes and stitched with patches that we'll be completely new jeans. Not better or worse- but different, and with more character.
Anyway, I wasn't ready to patch the hole shaped like you yet. I've missed you so much.
As for YOU sir... Jack off. Maybe you're absolutely right- or maybe I'm just confused and hurting and trying to hold all of my pieces together without dropping any.
You know that the way you act towards me will hardly alter the way I act towards you (it never has). You know this, but still... be kind. Understand that I did not ask to feel this way, and I'll bear it without a sound if you'll just pretend like you don't know. Compassion- I'm begging you.
1 Comments:
you have such an amazing way with words. i know exactly what you're saying, and it's nice to know someone could find the words that i could never seem to find.
love you.
<3gen
Post a Comment
<< Home