Back to school tomorrow. And, contrary to last post, I am remarkabley... unexcited.
I guess I'll be happy when I get there, because I do miss some people, but every other time I've been here I've really missed Tuscaloosa. I haven't even left here yet but this time I already miss home. Kind of. I miss Tala and Maggie and Blair and Shayla and Loni and my family. I miss Bo and Bella and Bosco and my yard and my view of the sunset. I miss having nothing to do. I miss my dad's breakfast. I miss driving to Deshler to shoot basketball or play tennis. I miss bus rides with the basketball team.
I miss not missing anything or anyone.
Will there ever be a time in my life when I don't miss? Probably not.
When things really suck, I don't do the whole longing for the past thing. I miss things being the way they are before they're even the way they're not. I miss my favorite eyeshadow before it's even used up. I miss my favorite relationships while they're exactly the way I want them. As soon as Thanksgiving is over I start to miss Christmas Eve, and after New Year's comes I already miss wearing winter clothes. I miss Bo because I'm afraid he's going to die, and I miss Bosco and Bella because I think they're going to run away. And as soon as I forget to miss something while I have it, it's gone, and then I miss it anyway!
I have this remarkable concept that things could always be worse; it's a great thing to know right? But I tend to get "things could be worse" confused with "things will be worse," which is obviously ridiculous because if things were always getting worse then my life would be one continuous downward staircase, and it's not, in fact, lately things seem to be getting nothing but better...
But do you ever just feel like you're always waiting for the bottom to fall out?
Cause I do. All the time.
I guess I'll be happy when I get there, because I do miss some people, but every other time I've been here I've really missed Tuscaloosa. I haven't even left here yet but this time I already miss home. Kind of. I miss Tala and Maggie and Blair and Shayla and Loni and my family. I miss Bo and Bella and Bosco and my yard and my view of the sunset. I miss having nothing to do. I miss my dad's breakfast. I miss driving to Deshler to shoot basketball or play tennis. I miss bus rides with the basketball team.
I miss not missing anything or anyone.
Will there ever be a time in my life when I don't miss? Probably not.
When things really suck, I don't do the whole longing for the past thing. I miss things being the way they are before they're even the way they're not. I miss my favorite eyeshadow before it's even used up. I miss my favorite relationships while they're exactly the way I want them. As soon as Thanksgiving is over I start to miss Christmas Eve, and after New Year's comes I already miss wearing winter clothes. I miss Bo because I'm afraid he's going to die, and I miss Bosco and Bella because I think they're going to run away. And as soon as I forget to miss something while I have it, it's gone, and then I miss it anyway!
I have this remarkable concept that things could always be worse; it's a great thing to know right? But I tend to get "things could be worse" confused with "things will be worse," which is obviously ridiculous because if things were always getting worse then my life would be one continuous downward staircase, and it's not, in fact, lately things seem to be getting nothing but better...
But do you ever just feel like you're always waiting for the bottom to fall out?
Cause I do. All the time.
2 Comments:
You too, huh?
I do that constantly... everytime I even think about getting into a new relationship, I start wondering what the break-up will be like.
Same with holidays and everything else...
I finally realized one of the reasons, though...
Things are always so great in my life. There's a constant voice in the back of my head going "You're okay, Grace. You're more than okay... things can only go down from here."
This is a pitiful attempt at an explanation of what I mean... oh, well!
Love your new blog site header. Isn't that the truth.
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