Anyone can slay a dragon, she told me.: I wish there was an over-the-counter test for loneliness.

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: Name: Lindsey Jayne; Location: Sheffield / Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Bangladesh

I have some sort of disease where you hallucinate and start to not believe in love, but after a year or two, or even sometimes ten or twenty, it cures itself and all that's left are a few little red spots that twinge and ache whenever you get too near someone else that has the disease and it's all you can do to stop from reaching out and holding them close. I haven't started to make sense of the world yet but I think it's beautiful all the same.

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I only do this until I get dizzy & then I lay down on my back & watch the clouds, she said. It sounds simple but you won't believe how many people forget the second part.

You may not remember the time you let me go first. Or the time you dropped back to tell me it wasn't that far to go. Or the time you waited at the crossroads for me to catch up. You may not remember any of those, but I do & this is what I have to say to you: today, no matter what it takes, we ride home together.

Liking each other because it's a beautiful day & it seems like a waste of time to disagree about stuff the other one is refusing to change out of sheer stubbornness

This is a giant block of whatever is most difficult for you to carry & trust me on this, you'll carry it more times than you can count until you decide that's exactly what you want to do most & then it won't weigh a thing anymore.

We had gone far enough together to listen easily in the quiet spaces.

They came to sit & dangle their feet off the edge of the world & after awhile they forgot everything but the good & true things they would do someday.

I'm not so good at taking my own advice, she said, but that doesn't mean I don't know what's right.

I was waiting for such a long time, she said. I thought you forgot. It's hard to forget, I said, when there is such an empty space when you are gone.

Everything changed the day they figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in their lives.

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Monday, September 18, 2006

I wish there was an over-the-counter test for loneliness.

I might be turning into the kind of person that I would hate.

I wish that I could put my finger on whatever it is that's making me so stressed out all the time. In fact, the fact that I don't know exactly what it is that's stressing me out makes me even more stressed. That sounds like it doesn't make sense, but it does, because I feel like there's something that I'm missing, something nagging at my mind and reminding me that everything is not settled, and I just can't put my finger on what exactly it is that I haven't gotten done, so I try to complete every little task that could possibly be on my mind, but I just can't seem to get any relief.

I'm very much feeling like I would really like a relationship right now. I'm also very much feeling like I would like it skip exciting and go strait to comfortable. That's not true... that's just what I want tonight.

This week needs to hurry up and be over. This is not a good week.

1 Comments:

Grace said...

Fear is a friend who's misunderstood, but I know the heart of life is good.

I feel like that a lot. I hope your week gets better. Tomorrow night I'm having a fondue party. If things go well, you and I should have one of those the next time you visit. Wouldn't that be fun?!

at 12:35 PM

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