I constantly think about the fact that I should be saving the world, and I'm not.
I usually just brush it off because I don't know what to do or where to start, but you have no idea how guilty I feel about everything that is so wrong right now. Like, whenever adults come and talk to our camp staff and say something like, "Y'all are doing great work here, making a difference," I want to scream.
Yep, quite a difference here, teaching peace and love to upper-middle class kids who have never know anything other than peace and love anyway. I've heard it said that problems are not relative. So I shouldn't judge the reality of my own problems based on the severity of others' problems. To some extent I guess that's true, but to a greater extent, it's kind of bullshit.
My biggest concern at age 19 is some kind of abstract worry about what to do with the next 60 of my life. If I lived in Swaziland, I might be wondering what to do with the next 15 years of my life, but more likely, I would have some more concrete things on my mind.
I'm so frustrated and I don't know how to stop thinking about everything that I can't possibly fix. I just feel so guilty about things. And I want a big house, and lots of kids, and art work in my living room, but how can I ever possibly be ok with having all of those things when people are dying from lack of clean drinking water?
And the idea of just sitting and praying for those people? What utter bullshit. As if some desperate mother in some tiny 3rd world country is going to think, "Oh, gee, some suburban American is praying for me from her padded kneeler in church. I feel so much better about my children's slim chance for survival," And that's going to make her life better?
I need to join the Peace Corps.
Actually, after reading the Wikipedia article on the Peace Corps, I've changed my mind. I'm not joining an organization started as an "army of young Americans to act as missionaries of democracy." Also, the head of the P.C. is quoted as saying, "The Peace Corps are trying to get more diverse volunteers of different ages. This is important so that the Peace Corps can look "more like America."
Er....
I usually just brush it off because I don't know what to do or where to start, but you have no idea how guilty I feel about everything that is so wrong right now. Like, whenever adults come and talk to our camp staff and say something like, "Y'all are doing great work here, making a difference," I want to scream.
Yep, quite a difference here, teaching peace and love to upper-middle class kids who have never know anything other than peace and love anyway. I've heard it said that problems are not relative. So I shouldn't judge the reality of my own problems based on the severity of others' problems. To some extent I guess that's true, but to a greater extent, it's kind of bullshit.
My biggest concern at age 19 is some kind of abstract worry about what to do with the next 60 of my life. If I lived in Swaziland, I might be wondering what to do with the next 15 years of my life, but more likely, I would have some more concrete things on my mind.
I'm so frustrated and I don't know how to stop thinking about everything that I can't possibly fix. I just feel so guilty about things. And I want a big house, and lots of kids, and art work in my living room, but how can I ever possibly be ok with having all of those things when people are dying from lack of clean drinking water?
And the idea of just sitting and praying for those people? What utter bullshit. As if some desperate mother in some tiny 3rd world country is going to think, "Oh, gee, some suburban American is praying for me from her padded kneeler in church. I feel so much better about my children's slim chance for survival," And that's going to make her life better?
I need to join the Peace Corps.
Actually, after reading the Wikipedia article on the Peace Corps, I've changed my mind. I'm not joining an organization started as an "army of young Americans to act as missionaries of democracy." Also, the head of the P.C. is quoted as saying, "The Peace Corps are trying to get more diverse volunteers of different ages. This is important so that the Peace Corps can look "more like America."
Er....
2 Comments:
i understand how you feel. me and james sometimes stay up late for hours just glooming about all the things we can't change, and end up crying and confused. ive been there, sista.
and in regards to the last post, maybe the summer has just calmed you down. once we get back, maybe the mercury will be back. though the fever thing, if that's gone, it can stay gone. [just kidding really, it was pretty funny as long as you weren't drunk and beliggerent.]
love you and miss you so much,
gen
p.s. how the FUCK do you spell beliigerent? cuz i know it doesn't have two i's like i just typed it.
Hey,
You don't know me. I some time back randomly stumbled upon your blog and been reading it ever since. You have real talent for writing. And I mean it.
As for saving the world, I am hungry for meaning and have enough of corporate world.
I don’t want to work in a corporate machine with superficial colleagues, and meaningless jobs, where nobody thinks they’re ever paid enough yet would never admit to their own ineptitude.
I want to drive positive change in the world, improve the quality of life. I started to look for the opportunity and created myself a website http://peepatlife.com for this reason.
Cheers,
Peep
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